we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
