yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
