Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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