Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
