This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
