why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
