My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
