he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
