If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
