PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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