All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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