Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
