There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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