can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
