I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
