i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
