Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
