My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
