So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
