i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
