Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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