we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
