be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
