"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
