So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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