we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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