I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
