she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
