Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
