Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
