just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
