I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
