did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
