It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
