you would pick up someone in the library
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
