When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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