Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
