i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
