the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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