So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
