who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you win again, gameday.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
