I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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