ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
