I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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