That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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