Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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