you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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