So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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