You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
