is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
