Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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