Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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